The Anatomy of a Horse Roll, Part 3, By Arby

The best time to roll will be indicated by watching others in your herd. Let them signal if it's a good time. This is part of letting your elders feel like they have an important role to play in the social structure. They will like you more and probably let you steal some of their snacks later. And it's good for blaming them if things go wrong.

Get into it with gusto. Show them you know how to do this. Lots of wriggling will help get at the center of your backfat, where you really need that itch scratched. 

Try not to get high-centered and stuck in that position. It would be embarrassing. 

Coming out of a roll, it's essential to give a few high bucks. Aim for the dog, if it suits you. This one likes to play, so this is a very fair thing to do.

Run a little, to get the farts out. Snort too. Trust me on this, you will feel a lot better.

Get after your herd mates, to ensure they have done their jobs right.

And if you happen to come across a spot there one of them has rolled, well, my friends, this is golden! You should heed their wisdom (again, because it makes them feel special, and they just might know a thing or two).

Down like an elephant...

Onto your side...

Legs up.

Squirm around a little to get your head downhill, like the old man was doing.

But remember, when you come out of this, you need to do it with gusto!

Ideally you will get the attention of those around you.

Toss yourself around like you mean it!

Do watch for obstacles, like fences and people. They often get in your way, but it is your responsibility to be aware. Trust me on this one. There are natural consequences you just don't want to deal with.

Only after these essential steps is it advisable to begin eating.

Remember this order for a perfect roll - because it's so much more than just the roll: 

1) Run like something is chasing you; 

2) Roll; 

3) Buck as hard/high as you can 

(makes for great visual effects and is really a form of stretching, not unlike yoga); 

4) Snort a little to assert yourself;

5) Make sure your herdmates haven't ignored your display of strength; 

6) Join in the eating.